Career Certainty

#157

It's perfectly fine to not be sure about where your career is headed or what you want to do in your twenties, and this is due to a variety of reasons. Firstly, your first corporate or work experience will not seal your fate for the future because you're just starting to explore what it's like to work. You will learn your strengths and skills over time and what you do over the next 25 to 30 years may be completely different.

Secondly, you can spend this time learning about the various phenomena of organizations and understand things like empathy, collaboration, networking, amongst technical skills. Work on your hard skills initially that will help you apply for different jobs, and once you're in, shift towards building soft skills too - balance between working independently and collaborating. Dive deeper into research and understand the 'why' of things while also produce high quality work in a short time while meeting deadlines. Start mentoring, volunteering, and taking on more than what is expected. One way to develop yourself is by investing time and effort to develop others. As you grow, build strong connections while also working out loud by making your work visible.

Develop your Q's - EQ (emotional quotient), SQ (social quotient), OQ (open quotient), and IQ of course. Understand the basic elements of others' emotions, appreciate how emotions influence social interactions, see what actions you can take to improve harmony and productivity via teamwork, resolve conflicts effectively, be a leader.

Gaining this understanding of psychological aspects and human dynamics, especially at work, will allow you to be more effective and satisfied.

Revealing Questions

#156

Questions that truly reveal someone’s personality and capabilities (answer both the direct question and why you chose that answer or how you'd be doing that action):

1. If you could see 24 hours into the future, what would you be doing?
2. Which movie deserves a sequel?
3. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
4. Would you accept the gift of reading other people’s minds if it meant you could never turn it off?
5. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?
6. Would you rather be able to eat as much as you want with no weight gain, or require only 3 hours of sleep a day?
7. What do you want to be remembered for?
8. If you had to do it over again, what would you study in school?
9. If you had to choose to live without one of your 5 senses, which one would you give up?
10. If you had your own TV network, what would it be about?
11. In what ways are you the same as your childhood self?
12. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
13. If you’re in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone cheer you up?
14. Would you rather know without a doubt the purpose and direction of your life or never have to worry about money for the rest of your life?
15. If you could master one skill you don’t have right now, what would it be?
16. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
17. Would you rather be married in an arranged marriage or spend the rest of your life single?
18. If you could be someone of the opposite sex for a day, what would be the first thing you do?
19. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
20. Would you rather have an extra hour everyday or have $40 given to you free and clear everyday?

This questionnaire reminded me of TBBT S8E16, wherein Sheldon and Penny ask each other a series of questions that would allow them to supposedly 'fall in love'.

The idea is to basically ask personal, thought-provoking questions and mix it up with questions that are fun, casual, intriguing, and don’t hint at any signs of manipulation.

Rules of the English Language

#155

Rules of English we don't know we know:

Order of adjectives:

opinion-size-age-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose noun

Example:

lovely little old triangular brown Greek steel whittling knife

Hence, while we may find it natural to say 'little green men on Mars', we'd find it awkward to hear 'green little men.'

However, while King Kong and Little Red Riding Hood may be perfectly ordered, the Big Bad Wolf seems to be going against this law. How come in this case the 'Bad Big Wolf' sounds so wrong?

That's because its conforming to another linguistic law called ablaut reduplication.

It's when you repeat a word with consonants alternatively appearing like lovey-dovey or nitty-gritty. It also works with alternating vowels like ding-dang-dong. The order with three words has to be I, A, O, and I-A or I-O with two words like tic tac and flip-flop.

In school, we're only taught the basic set of tenses - simple, continuous, perfect, and perfect continuous . TIL there's yet another tense call the 'pluperfect', which is used when an extended state of action happened prior to another action in the past. For instance, “I realised I had been being watched.” Rather daunting, eh? Especially for people learning English. They also have to learn things like we don't use the present tense for things occurring in the present! “I comb my hair” doesn’t mean that you’re doing it right now, it just means you do it regularly. We instead use the present continuous “I am combing my hair” for actions that are actually happening in that moment.

If you think this is hard enough to learn when English is not your native language, there come the exceptions. Enter the Auxiliary verbs. Verbs like ‘to think’ are sometimes used as an auxiliary e.g. “I think you’re right”. This is why you might tend to hear non-native speakers use phrases like “I am thinking that you are right”. It sounds a bit weird to us, that's only because we've had years and years of immersion learning, meaning we've learnt by being directly in that environment for a long enough period of time.

English is largely made up of rules we don’t know we know. Surprisingly, the rules we know we know are a rarity! Happy learning.

Develop Your Mental Strength

#154

Did you know: You have about 70,000 thoughts every day! Some of those thoughts influence the emotions you have and the choices you make. Since we can't control thoughts that arise, let's instead see how we can mould our responses to those thoughts.

1. Replace "blue" thoughts with "true" ones

When you think, "I'm going to fail," respond with a positive thought of, "I can do my best" or replace "I always mess things up" with one of your past achievements.

2. Switch the channel

Instead of focusing on the problem, start thinking of various solutions on how to fix it. If it's out of your control, why bother worrying about it? There's anyway nothing you can do about it! When you catch yourself going into this worry or anxiety spiral, either switch the channel to an optimistic problem-solving stream or simply distract yourself with some movement - go for a walk, do a chore, work out.

3. Express gratitude

Maintain a gratitude journal before bed. Say out loud what you're thankful for with your family. Think about all the things you have. This will not only help you remain happy but also ward off destructive emotions like self-pity.

4. Ask yourself what you'd say to a trusted friend

"What would I tell my friend who is going through the same situation?" Reflect on the advice you might give them and it'll help you get clarity on what you need to do.

Here are a few signs that indicate you're a mentally strong person:

1. You are not quick to anger

2. You don’t yell because you know that by raising your voice, you’re lowering yourself

3. You are open-minded

4. You refrain from expectations on others

5. You keep things in perspective 

6. You forgive yourself

7. You take negativity with a grain of salt

8. You know that persistence pays off

9. You find solutions to problems and ways around obstacles

10. You do not blame circumstances on external things

 

The Science behind Self-Talk

#153

According to Brian Pennie, if you wish to stop ruminating, compulsive thinking, unrealistic rule-following, and negative self-talk, try the following two things, for starters:

Reframing your self-talk

We all have a story, and it is written with the words we use. If you tell yourself you’re depressed, you’re going to act accordingly. If you tell yourself you suffer from anxiety, it’s likely that you will. It is therefore critical to choose your words carefully, especially when talking to yourself. Whatever you keep reinforcing your mind with, it'll start becoming true. Ray's second short film Bahrupiya depicts this brilliantly.

In a world full of distractions, our excuses for procrastination have become increasingly problematic, resulting in the inability to take action. When writing this article, my self-talk sounded something like this: “Maybe I can start on this tomorrow morning,” “Maybe I should get some work done first,” “Am I hungry?,” “Oh, I’ll just check my Instagram first and then get back into it.” Switch all of the above with “Just do it,” or “Let’s just make a start, even if it's slow.” Once you begin, let momentum take care of the rest. When you feel low especially, try replacing “I can’t,” “if only,” “I must,” or “he/she made me feel like that” with proactive phrases such as “I will,” “I choose to,” and “let’s look at this another way.” This practice is empowering, and when you make the switch, even your posture will change.

“I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.” — Emo Philips

Practising self-observation

Instead of constantly trying to change how you think, how you feel, how you behave, simply observe. Observe your state of mind, your breath, your thoughts. It need not necessarily be in a meditative stance, it can also be when you're seated in a chair and have some free time to think about things. It could also occur when you're walking, or lying down. Try to observe without engaging. When you practice self-observation regularly, you will create a sense of detachment from negative self-talk and emotions. When they no longer consume you, you'll remain happier and more peaceful. Isn't that the ultimate goal? :) 

“Dialogue is about creating awareness through self-observation; it starts from the inside out, not the outside in.” —Oli Anderson

Technology - the Mind Hijacker

#152

“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they’ve been fooled.” — Anon

When we use technology, we often focus on all the things it does for us. But where all does it exploit human weaknesses?

Hijack #1: If you control the menu, then you also control the choices

Magicians do this a lot wherein they 'supposedly' give people a 'choice' but in reality, it's a fixed set of choices architected by the magician. That way, no matter what the audience chooses, the magician always wins. Why does this happen though? It's because we are focused on picking the ''right" choice as opposed to diving deep and questioning: "Are these the only choices? What's not listed here?" "Why are these the only set of options and not something else?" "What is the intent of the menu provider behind asking these questions - are the choices merely a distraction, a means to an end?"

Look at the photos on Yelp - what you'll see are pictures of colourful cocktails from different bars. It doesn't show you the park across the street from this bar. Similarly, when we wake up every morning, lift our phone to see a barrage of notifications, all it does is remind us how many things we've 'missed out on' since yesterday. Speaking of phones, we should probably start calling them slot machines from now on!

Hijack #2: Put a slot machine in a billion pockets

Every time we get a new notification sound indicating a new message from someone, dopamine is released in our brains. That's why we sometimes endlessly swipe down hoping to get a new notification. Wouldn't it be great if we did that and our phone displayed the message: “Really? Didn’t you check 10 seconds ago?”

Hijack #3: Fear of Missing Something Important (FOMSI)

We don't miss what we don't see. The thought, “What if I miss something important?” arises before rather than after we unsubscribe to something or turn things off. We must learn to reframe the 'what'd we miss' into a positive 'time well spent' perspective. Tech companies often claim that “we’re just making it easier for you to see the video you want to watch” with the autoplay feature, when they are actually serving their  own business interests. "Time spent" is the currency streaming and video companies compete for.

Hijack #4: Bundling customer's and company's reasons

When you visit a supermarket, have you noticed how milk and medicines are all the way at the back of the store? Well, that's by design. Grocery stores want to maximize how much people buy, and people most often purchase milk and pharmacy refills, so they put both at the back of the store rather than putting the popular items in the front and make it convenient for buyers. This is how they make what customers want tightly coupled to their business wants.

Similarly, for apps, there's always a "choice":

“If you don’t like it you can always use a different product.”

“If you don’t like it, you can always unsubscribe.”

“If you’re addicted to our app, you can always uninstall it from your phone.”

But how easily can those be done? For instance, NYTimes.com lets you “make a free choice” to cancel your digital subscription. But instead of just clicking “Cancel Subscription,” they send you an email with information on how to cancel your account by calling a phone number that’s only open at certain times.

If you want to see these in action, check out the movie 'Social Dilemma'. It'll make you think twice before using FAANG products and horrifyingly depicts how we're all mere lab rats in the eyes of the social media companies.

Improve Your Memory

#151

“When you train your creativity, you automatically train your memory. When you train your memory, you automatically train your creative thinking skills!” — Tony Buzan

Did you know that your memory gets better as you become more imaginative? If you ‘will’ yourself to remember, and your imagination is not on the task, you will have zero retention and recall. Your imagination is the place of all your memory power.

"When the imagination and the will are in conflict, the imagination always wins." - Emile Coue 

And every time you recall a memory, your whole brain fires and wires new connections together. So, what all can you do to improve your memory which in turn will help you get more creative?

When spending time learning and reading, use a variety of methodologies to learn - spaced repetition, memory palace, Feynman technique, teach the concept or topic to someone you know, and so on. Try out experiential learning and “context-based” learning as they are more powerful than simply reading. Connect the dots between what you’re learning in an imaginative way with something you already know.

Before going to sleep at night, try to spend a few minutes recalling what you learnt by visualizing the ideas, concepts, challenges, experiences, of what you’re trying to accomplish;  also visualize the completion of your project or attainment of your goal.

That way, you will trigger your subconscious. When you wake up first thing in the morning, drink a huge glass of water, go to a quiet place, and start writing in your journal in a stream-of-consciousness manner. Once you start getting creative ideas, keep writing — it’s usually the idea after idea that really matters - focus on quantity over quality in this case.

The above is related to what psychologists call “epiphany ability,” your potential to break the shackles of mental fixedness. All that's required is determination, practice, patience, and belief that you will succeed.