Vent Better

#172

Navigate the fine line between blowing off steam and causing anxiety to those around you.

The fine line between ‘I just want to talk about it’ and ‘I have this problem, help me solve it.’”

Ask for Permission

'Hi there. Can I complain about my day for five minutes?' Allow your recipient to opt in or out of the conversation before you unleash your tirade. This shows you respect their mental stamina you want them to give you at that moment.

Be Clear About Your Goal

Sometimes when you want the other person to just listen but they start giving advice that you weren't looking for, you'll only end up getting angrier and more frustrated. Instead, before starting to vent, convey that you just want them to lend an ear and that you're not looking to get any responses other than maybe a nod or a 'hmm'.

Pay Attention to Tone

No one wants to be shouted at, even if they’re not the reason for the anger. Sometimes, when you’re letting off steam, it can feel like you’re speaking in all caps, which can make the person listening uncomfortable or cause them to tune out altogether. Blow off your initial steam by writing or punching a pillow and then talk to people once you've calmed down a tad.

Have a Time Limit

Sometimes, people are left with a problem that may seem even worse after talking about it for so long. Set aside a 5-minute timer for this. Time out and go do something else.

Aim for Balance

See if your venting is sucking the air out of your relationships. Be thoughtful and respectful of the other person when you complain. Allow others to unload their frustrations on you. Be there for them. 

Which is the best solution I like from all the above?

None.

My solution: no need to vent at all. Introspect and reflect as to why you're feeling angry and that awareness itself will lead you to calm down.

Nowadays my brain automatically starts playing 'You need to calm down' anytime I get angry - works every time!